Chemical Warning

Chemical Warning:

A recent study indicated that fabric gives off certain Pheromones
that actually hypnotize women and cause them to purchase
unreasonable amounts. When stored in large quantities in enclosed
spaces, the Pheromones (in the fabric) causes memory loss and
induces the nesting syndrome (similar to the one squirrels have
before the onset of winter i.e. storing food), thereby perpetuating
their species and not having a population loss due to their kind
being cut into pieces and mixed with others. Sound tests have also
revealed that these fabrics emit a very high pitched sound, heard
only by a select few, a breed of women know as "quilters". When
played backwards on an LP, the sounds are heard as chants, "buy me,
cut me and sew me". In order to overcome the so called "feeding
frenzy effect" that these fabrics cause, one must wear a face mask
when entering a storage facility and use ear plugs to avoid being
pulled into their grip. One must laugh, however, at the sight of
customers in a quilt fabric store, with WWII army gas masks and
headphones! Studies have also indicated that aliens have inhabited
the earth, helping to spread the effects that these fabrics have on
the human population. The are call QUILT FABRIC STORE CLERKS. It's
also been experienced that these same Pheromones cause a
pathological need to hide these fabric purchases when taken home (or
at least blend them into the existing stash), and when asked by
significant other if the fabric is new, the reply is 'I have had it
for awhile.'